DOGE has quickly become one of the most divisive forces in the country in recent months. While its supporters praise its swift actions in reducing government waste, fraud, and abuse, critics warn that essential services are being slashed without sufficient consideration. But one thing is clear: DOGE shows no signs of slowing down, and now, Elon Musk and his team of young tech-savvy disruptors have set their sights on one of the last bastions of unchecked excess–the Christian Music Industry. Their mission? To cut what they consider a bloated and wasteful release schedule.
“There’s just too much music,” said Derek, a lead technician who has been working grueling 120-hour weeks without daylight, or lunch, for the past two months. “I’ve reviewed thousands of releases, and we’re barely scratching the surface.”
“There’s just too much,” said Derek, a lead technician who has been working 90 hour workdays without sunlight for the past two months. “I’ve gone through thousands of files and have barely scratched the surface.”
Already, DOGE has identified 1,072 scheduled music projects releasing in April 2025, most of which fall under the categories of praise and worship. Among them are a staggering 81 versions of the song “Hard-Fought Hallelujah,” 94 collaborations from Maverick City Music, and 41 separate releases from Bethel Music’s worship team.
“We’re going to do what President Trump promised in 2020–to Make Christian Music Great Again,” stated another DOGE executive. “This year will go down as a historic turning point, where we cut through the clutter and refocus on meaningful ministry. No more endless waves of mediocrity.”
In response to this aggressive purge, some of the biggest names in the Christian music scene are scrambling. Sources claim Chris Tomlin is in the process of relocating to Greenland to “reassess his calling” as his catalog of releases comes under scrutiny. Meanwhile, other artists are reportedly furiously combing through their discographies, preparing to justify their ministry to DOGE’s team of analysts by this Friday.
“We get this email last week that we have to come up with five ways our music ministry has reached people in the last month, or we’re fired?” shared Benjamin William Hastings. “Who does this guy think he is?
As the stakes rise, industry leaders are left wondering: Will DOGE’s radical measures rejuvenate Christian music, or will the industry’s deep roots in releasing a constant stream of music have little patience for spiritual oversight?
Stay tuned as we track this story’s rapid development.